The Blues

Boston publicist, Volare Putkin and King Pin of the Sapphire Scripting team conducted an interview with Rosie Jones about the release of her third novel, ‘ZOMG!  The Northern Fangirls’.  The first part of the chaos can be found here.

Unbeknownst to them, Volare and King Pin are fictional characters appearing in the second book – a novella of deleted scenes – and the television program for which they work (Sapphire) is also completely made up.  They’re quite deluded.  They can be entertaining in small doses if you can understand King Pin’s thick Scottish brogue (which he emphasizes for effect) and suffer Volare Putkin’s super-sized opinion of her own awesomeness.

Here, Rosie Jones attempts to redirect the conversation towards the story about Fangirls.  She tries.  Getting around the Putkin ego and the King Pin innuendo is a publishing feat in itself.

Remember, if you want to buy any of the books, you can shop online starting with the original.

It is my pleasure to announce the winner of  the  ZOMG! The Northern Fangirls competition.  It is IRENE!  As the lucky competition winner, you will have the new novel zoomed out very soon.  Thank you to all who entered and congrats Irene!  If you could please contact me on fangirlsingstheblues@gmail.com, I will finalize all the details.

♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦♦

Volare Putkin: Sweetie!  Last time we covered your need for a makeover and publicity come next book release.  I see you’ve made a start!  Taken some tweezers to that mono-brow and washed some of that grey outta your head?  Go, you!

Rosie Jones: That’s right, Volare.  I’d appreciate if we could talk about the story rather than my appearance.  I know your field is publicity, but this interview isn’t on webcam.

Volare: (whispers loudly) Thank God.

King Pin: On puss!  Give the lass a chance!  Snowball’s chance in a vat o’ single malt o’ Rosie ever lookin’ as hot as uz.  Lookit me.  Natural born sex on stick.

Volare: (snarkily) Only because you have the best publicist working with you, baby.

King Pin: (leery) Aye.  Working wif me, working on me, working around me—

RJ: (desperately)  The book, please?  Anyone here even interested in the story?

King Pin: It’s her bloggo!  We prolly should chat book.  Ya noooo I’m writin’ one, gels?

RJ: (losing patience)  I’m actually really happy with the way ‘ZOMG! The Northern Fangirls’ has turned out.  It was nice to introduce two more main characters and two or three minor ones.  I think my favourite character is Dee in London.  She loves bandom as well as Sapphire fandom.

King Pin: Wha’ the bleedin’ ‘ell is BANDOM?

RJ: (buoyed by the interest)  It’s the obsessional love of a rock band or singer.  Dee’s in love with the Cavemen of Dorris.

Volare: Who?  And voilà Volare! I disliked the character of Dee so much.  She’s a whiny biatch.

RJ: I thought you hadn’t read it, Volare?  Only scanned it for your own name?

Volare: Stewart has read it – you know the newest Sapphire writer?

King Pin: God save Glasgow!  HIM?  Ya nooo wha’ I call him behoond his back, lass?

RJ: (downhearted)  So Stewart didn’t like Dee Henderson?

King Pin: I call him Crappy Writer.  The lad’s pens like a load of shite.

Volare: Sweetheart, fluffhead, darling!  Stewart loved Dee Henderson, but I don’t love Stewart.  I can’t like Dee via association.

RJ (muttering) Oh, for fu—

Volare: But during the scan of the novel, I did like the vibe of Julia.  And I like the idea of Lou-Anne as carolnavaho. Do you want to talk about Julia?  Do you want to compare Julia and Dee?

RJ: Finally!  Without giving too much of the story away, Julia and Dee fangirl the same character and actor in Sapphire, but with a very different intensity.  They LOVE Davis Merrit the character played by Peterson Collier the actor.  This draws them together somewhat because Peterson’s Davis Merrit is a secondary actor/character to Jake Sullivan’s Jamieson Trelor.

King Pin: We get tha’ lass.  We work with bof Peterson an’ Jake.  I dooner like the lass, Julia.  I like me some Dee.  Pity she’s from south o’ the border.  Gets sum sense at the end, tho’.  Don’t she, lass?

RJ: (elated)  You’ve read it, King Pin?  You’ve read ‘ZOMG! The Northern Fangirls?’

Volare: Ever since you mentioned something about creating us, King Pin has been taking your new book to bed with us.  He’s not happy we’re not in it, but he seems to laugh, sweetie!  That, or wanna have sex.

King Pin: Well, I be in bed with you, puss.  Whaddya expect?  (To Rosie:) Las’ time, you said somepin abooot the characters bein’ different.  Okay.  Let’s start wif Julia and Dee.  Next time, we coulda talk booot Grace and Maddie tooooo.

RJ (excited)  Oh, really?  How fantastic.  Could we also talk about themes?  I need to talk about some situations and why I have used them.

Volare (looking at her watch) Do we have to?  Egads are about to hit the gonads, Rosie, so get to it:

RJ: Julia and Dee are at different stages of their lives.  Julia is married with umpteen kids, a travelling husband and ample time on her hands to fangirl due to being financially comfortable.  She has a full-time nanny (not played by Fran Drescher!) and lives in luxury.

King Pin: Who?  Wha?

RJ: Dee is recovering from the departure of her live-in boyfriend.  She goes out with her school friends, works part time and is muffling her way through her thesis for PhD.  She’s a fangirl of Sapphire — loves the entire cast — but especially Peterson Collier, Jake Sullivan and Ella Stuart Cartwright.

Volare: That’s it!  Time’s up for today, Rosie of the Mono Brow.

RJ: You don’t like me mentioning Ella Stuart Cartwright, do you?

Volare: (tuts) She’s a pawn, to be moved on my chessboard of publicity and Sapphire dominance.  Oh, and Pookeh here (jabs King Pin in his toupee).

RJ: You really dislike her, doncha?

Volare: And how would you know that?  Have you spoken to Ella recently?

RJ: No.  But I created you all.  Even the cast of Sapphire. I know about your feelings for ESC because I invented them!

As the interview comes to a close, King Pin looks at the ground to avoid Rosie’s eyes and Volare flounces out of the room muttering something about ‘most writers being nuts.’  Stay tuned for the next part of the interview, coming to a split personality near YOU.

cross posted to LJ

Random Reads

• February 21, 2010 -- Volare Putkin, King Pin of Writing and Me: Part 1
• April 6, 2011 -- Peeta & Gale
• September 8, 2009 -- Brain as a Mushroom
• August 31, 2010 -- The Day I Met the Angel Gabriel
• August 7, 2011 -- Please Grow a Humerus