The Blues

Funky & Chicken do Octogenarianism

On June 16, 2011, in Birthday, Family, by Rosie

It’s official. There’s less than a month until Chicken turns 80, and her fictional family might have been starting to panic if they weren’t so organized.

Just say Funky and Chicken were real. Just say they both were turning 80 within 6 weeks of each other. Just say that they were a couple of older people that shop so regularly and are such consumers, that they actually have everything. Just say Chicken was allergic to all facial and hand creams, has read most books in publication, buys a DVD movie every week and has an exhaustive collection, doesn’t like clothes that don’t fit well, doesn’t like eating in case her tum gets rounder (important when you’re 80) has psychosomatic allergens to white wine, cheese, hair products, dirt, old stuff (although not to herself and Funky) watchbands, jewelry (might make her skin flake or something) wheat, moss, plants, animals, insects.

It’s so difficult to purchase a gift for the fictitious Funky & Chicken, sometimes their loving tribe might bury their collective heads in the sand. If they were real. And difficult. And about to reach a milestone that sand-burying heads even can’t avoid.

The family of Funky & Chicken are usually really organized. They are. So many chefs in the kitchen, blackbirds in a pie, lights under bushels. They revel in organization. They do! Whether it’s Footsmas, pub night, trivia night, happy hour … the Funky & Chicken brigade are FULL to the brim with the love of organization and administration.

But there’s been an eclipse down here. And aeroplane disruptions due to volcanic ash @ 35,000 ft from our Chilean neighbours. There’s been really cold weather. There’s been people working, travelling, writing, obsessing, vacuuming, lounging … and generally sticking their heads in the sand.

The short story: we have organized something for the Funky & Chicken celebration. Kind of. The longer version? We enjoyed teasing the Funky & Chicken to the point where we haven’t told them anything about what is probably happening to celebrate their 80th birthdays — but have we done it so much that it may have backfired in our faces? Which are still buried in the sand.

A recent visit to the fictional home of Funky & Chicken produced this conversation (amongst many, some even dealing with the disgusting state their home was in because they’d not polished furniture within the last 8 hours, and there had been volcanic ash … in Chile.)

Chicken: We might go away for a couple of weeks very soon.

Chicken Child: (not saying anything about the impending birthdays) that’s great. When?

Funky (narkily): Oh, we think we might go away for about a month. Somewhere up north

Chicken: (with authority): Oh, Funky. I don’t want to go away for that long. I don’t like to leave the family for such a long time.

(yes, dearest, because your children’s ages range from 58-40 yrs)

Chicken’s Child (still withholding birthday non-plans): It’s great to have a holiday. When will you go?

Chicken (still concerned about the length of travel): We might go away for a few shorter stays. Be home in July (birthday hints) go away at the end of that month (more hints) then back in August (unspoken = for Funky’s 80th)

Chicken’s Child: Oh? Sounds great.

Funky: We should go for longer (if Funky was a teenager, this would go ‘pfft! We should so go for longer’, with an accompanied roll of eyes).

Chicken’s Child: It’s a strange time of the year for you guys to be travelling.

Chicken: (slightly annoyed) As you know, we don’t want any fuss for our birthdays (Chicken’s Child hides a grin) … well I dont, but you know what your Funky is like!

Chicken’s Child (non committal) : Yes to both things.

Funky (muttering in the background): We might as well go away the day before Chicken’s birthday and come home the DAY after MINE!

Chicken’s Child: Oh, Funky! Why would you do that?

Chicken: Because we don’t want a fuss! You know that! (really means = we don’t KNOW what is planned, no one has told us, and it’s getting very close. We need to be doing something to celebrate, OMG, what will people say? WTF is all the control we used to have?)

Chicken’s Child (being an absolute bitch): I know you don’t want a fuss and a holiday is always lovely.

Funky sighs and takes solace in his iPad. Chicken silently wonders what she’s done wrong to raise such ungrateful and inconsiderate people.

So there’s been fallout from the teasing. In fact, it wasn’t so much teasing, it was a group of family members who had sorta organized something, but were not yet in a position to reveal exactly what the surprising 80th celebrations would specifically entail. Hmm. Okay. We had yet to put the icing on the cake? We hadn’t finalized the timeline, hadn’t plotted it on an iPad?

Yep, all those things.

Chicken rings tonight, with a spring to her voice and a trill to her words. She and Funky are going away! They’ve booked, they don’t want a fuss and they are excited. When I dubiously ask the dates of their intended escape, I was relieved to hear that they were only going away for a couple of smaller trips, two weeks at a time.

LUCKILY, the trips fall all sides of their separate birthdays and they are back home on their special 80th occasions! Convenient, that! Or pure luck and great planning? Because, after all, they do NOT want a fuss!

What do you by a Funky with a fetish and a Chicken without lips? There is no easy answer!