The Blues

Funky & Chicken do the DVD Box-Set Marathon …

On June 5, 2011, in Box Sets, Family, Television, by Rosie

On Speed.

Our favourite Carpet Whisperers, Funky & Chicken, have a grandson that can procure the very best of television for them and feed it straight into the largest-screen TV in the world. For the purpose of this fictitious account, the most excellent Man of TV Acquisition will be known as M (not unlike the James Bond connotation, although a LOT younger and much more groovy).

M loves his TV. He loves technology, and when he discovered that his maternal grandparents were ‘hooked’ on watching TV shows in semi-marathon sets, where Chicken will ‘pop an episode in while ironing’ (Funky’s pyjamas), and Funky will fall asleep (or pass out from the explicit language, drug use, sexual content, nudity, crudity, what-have-yous) M decided to stock up their hard-drive.

What a great grandson!

M stocked up the drive full of the programmes on his own disc and returned the black box to his grandparents. He hadn’t watched some of the shows he hooked them up with, but M knows that Chicken is relatively open-minded and Funky just watches for the chance at some shut-eye.

Over the past couple of months, much of what we’ve heard from the residence of Funky and Chicken is how very wonderful it is to have shows at their disposal. ’Don’t have to watch a whole heap of rubbish anymore,’ intones Funky, with great regularity, while instructing EVERYONE about his iPad (more on this later, but really? Funky? There are people in the family that KNOW how to use iToys and have done so before).

Don’t mind me. I’m jealous of my 80-year old, fictional Funky.

But back to M’s selected TV programmes for octogenarians.

Firstly ‘Spartacus: Blood and Sand’ . Great choice, M, one of my personal favourites and a wonderful historical account to show your Grandies. Um, yes, don’t mind about the full-frontal nudity, the erotic scenes, and the fact that most gladiator lose one bit or other with accompanying ripped-off blood splatter. They LOVED it. Well Chicken did, anyway, stating ‘oh, it wasn’t like the Charlton Heston version, but I expect they did a LOT of that back then!

AND, your father and I have watched ‘Rome‘. That was also titillating.’

When I asked Chicken if she was referring to the body parts most shown, she giggled and raised her eyebrows t’wards Funky. He was less impressed. ’I watched the footy during those bits.’

(probably on his iPad. ’It shows live coverage of things, Rose, did you know that?’

‘Um. Yes Funky, I do.’)

Then came ‘Boardwalk Empire‘. According to Chicken, M had yet to watch BE and neither have we but I look very much forward to it. Especially when I visited Chicken and she claimed, ‘It’s almost pornographic! Look, I’ve never watched porn (pick me up from the floor after I fell over ‘too much information’) but it’s so in your face.’

‘Er, Chicken? Is that the best expression you could use to describe it?’ I asked, cautiously.

‘Yes. And it’s all types, too. Not only what you’d expect to see on an adults-only show, but lots of different types of things and positi−’

‘RIGHT! I get the picture Chicken!’

Suffice to say that BE has jumped to the top of my DVD marathon schedule! After listening to Chicken’s chat about Boardwalk Empire, I suggested she didn’t have to watch it, and that maybe it wasn’t suitable for she and Funky?

‘Oh your Funky is bored now, during all that … that … he’s seen it ALL before (has he? You did have six children, ffs!). He falls asleep. But there’s no way I’m NOT going to watch it, although it’s only the first season. Why does this happen and now I have to wait for ages until it’s on again.’

M? I think we’re creating some sort of octogenarian box-set addiction here, don’t you? I’ve had to knock back requests from Chicken about her borrowing HBO’s True Blood, (to pop it on while she’s ironing) by saying ‘Chick? I just don’t think you’d like it that much!’

‘Why? I like all sorts of things. You know that!’

‘I’m not sure adult vampire and supernatural material is something you and Funky would really enjoy.’

‘You never know what your Funky and I would like. We weren’t born yesterday, you know?’

‘I do know that, but do you really want to watch a show that uses the lyrics ‘I wanna do bad things with you’ and has the promo of ‘Will Eric bite Sookie?’ as its main advertising?’ (Personally, I hope so re Eric and Sookie, but that’s just me).

‘I think so. Might even give your Funky some ideas.’

And we’ll leave it right there, I think.

Every grandparent needs a TV-procuring, entertainment expert like M in their family. Unfortunately, M didn’t put True Blood on Funky and Chicken’s hard-drive, but now Chicken wants to find out about Eric and Sookie, they’ll be no stopping her. Get ready for the request, M, and don’t believe Chicken when she tells you that ‘Rosie thinks I will really like it.’