The Blues

Funky & Chicken talk Antonyms

On April 22, 2011, in Family, Life, by Rosie

Funky & Chicken are my fave near-Octogenarians. They are The Carpet Whispers, residence of Hygiene Heights and Sex Scrabble connoisseurs. They prefer to have bleach-blistered eyes than an atom of mould within their environment, will empty a can of DDT onto a tiny spider rather than having a microscopic alien in their home and enjoy repeating stories verbatim.

And repeating them. As much as I like hearing them, and repeating them.

They finish sentences for each other, admonish each other and compete about the number of medications they are NOT taking compared to their life-partner-in-crime. The competition extends to hanging out the washing (who does it better, quicker) how large their abdomens are getting in old age (Funky’s beer gut is a constant source of ridicule and high amusement) and the efficiency of their bowels.

Because yes. Apparently an older intestine really slows down unless one ingests copious amounts of prunes, All-Bran, beer hops.

It comes as little surprise that over dinner the other night they became involved in a word-game with Pip and Pop. It’s wonderful to see, actually. The interchange between the generations, the speed of an older mind against the crazily developing younger minds, the banter. The love. We are lucky. Pip and Pop are lucky, and their grandparents remind them about this quite often.

And then again. And one more time, just so we all remember.

Wanting to scramble our brains a little more, I introduced a game of synonyms and antonyms. When I suggested ‘elderly’ they had to give their best synonym, eg: old, decripit, ancient, grandma, etc.

When it came to the game of antonyms, Pip (who is turning 10 this year) wanted to add her own. She asked the group ‘pick out the odd word in this group of things.’

I smiled proudly, thinking she would say something like: ‘dog, cat, aeroplane, turtle, mouse.’ Or: ‘Robert, Peter, Steven, Sally, David.’ However, Pip Jones selected: gender, sex, male, female, mail, um …

By the time I’d recovered from her announcing ‘SEX’ and giggling (a little) in the company of Funky & Chicken, she had explained that the second MAIL was spelt as M-A-I-L in case any of us anatomical dumbos couldn’t identify one MAIL from a MALE. Um, thanks Pip. Don’t both either arrive early or late? Don’t both need a stamp of approval or a lick to send them on their ways …?

Yes, but none of that was mentioned. Luckily.

Orrighty. After that cough-n-splutter moment, dinner progressed and lamb cutlets were consumed. A glass of red wine later (ginger beer for the kids) Pip decided to pop up again and reintroduce the Antonym Game. Before I could caution her that perhaps everyone had moved on to talking about things like the Royal Wedding, Easter, and other appropriate guilt trips, Pip and Funky were involved in the exchange of antonyms.

So: Angry =’peaceful, happy, relaxed, not angry’. And Serious = silly, crazy, ridiculous, not serious …

Until the moment when Pip Jones gave the new antonym for the round: Pubic Hair.

As you do. When you’re nearly 10 and playing a game with your grandparents over a nice roast dinner and lemon tart dessert. During the thoughtful pregnant pause that ensued, I didn’t mention that I had very little idea about pubic hair UNTIL I GREW SOME, and even then, twas important not to traipse it through a clean house.

‘That’s not really something we can give an antonym for, Pip,’ Mac said, smiling over the rim of his glass as I nudged him. (This is YOUR fault, I felt like saying.)

‘Sure it is,’ said Pip, grinning. ‘What about no pubic hair? That’s opposite.‘

Funky donned his octogenarian face-of-shock that he has used over decades of raising five daughter and interacting with a couple of ‘out-there’ granddaughters, then he just laughed. Chicken, on the other hand, adopted her intellectual thinking face. The I-can’t-be-outdone-in-any-game, no matter the subject matter or company present.

‘I was going to say Brazillian Wax as an opzit to pubic hair‘, she pronounced, as though she was suggesting that I put on a kettle for a cup of tea.

I did. I needed it strong and able to wash away the tension that had suddenly appeared at the front of my head due to witnessing genetics in motion. What hope did any of us ever have.

Happy Easter, family and friends xxxx