The Blues

Anyone who has flown our major airline will know the drill — QANTAS has a white kangaroo on the tail of its aircraft which is more comforting than an emu, one of the only birds in the world that cannot fly.  QANTAS was mentioned on ‘Rain Man’ in this famous exchange between Dustin Hoffman and Tom Cruise:

Charlie: Ray, all airlines have crashed at one time or another, that doesn’t mean that they are not safe.
Raymond: QANTAS. QANTAS never crashed.
Charlie: QANTAS?
Raymond: Never crashed.
Charlie: Oh that’s gonna do me a lot of good because QANTAS doesn’t fly to Los Angeles out of Cincinnati, you have to get to Melbourne! Melbourne, Australia in order to get the plane that flies to Los Angeles!

QANTAS turns 90 this month, is known for its really emotional advertising (thanks Peter Allen) and its (generally) friendly staff, no worries attitude and (mostly) reliable timekeeping.

It also happens to carry our favourite people all over the world, bringing them back to the ‘sun and the sea’ whenever Peter Allen’s lyrics pull at the heartstrings.  I’d like to wish the company Happy 90th Birthday/Flying anniversary/Take-off name day and thank them for their safe, reliable service over the last century.  But here’s where we have to brace, brace, brace ourselves:

Over the last few days, there’s been a couple of QANTAS incidents on jets outta Singapore. Whenever there is a QANTAS incident (or an overshoot of a runway, a little bit of a hole in the side of the fuselage, a small piece of debris falling off the engine area and into the lives of unsuspecting Indonesians) we hear about it.  We have it landed on our news, it takes off all over the country’s media, it taxis into our conversations, jokes, water-cooler natterings.

The most disconcerting thing about the media reporting of any QANTAS incident are the phrases that are used at the end of an article, or the links provided on an internet newscast.  Stuff like: Okay, people, another disaster has been aborted, 400 lives saved by the professionalism of the cabin crew and flight attendants, but QANTAS planes have had a shocking past.  They’ve overshot the runway (once) had a hole sizzled into the side of the plane (once) had an engine blowout on the A380 (once).

For as long as I can remember, we’ve almost been waiting for the unmentionable to happen.  For QANTAS to really let us down.  I wonder if this is part of our ‘tall poppy syndrome’ type of thinking — that we have a carrier with an impeccable record, it’s almost too good, and (because everything must fail) it really should?  I hope not.

It’s never the way of the media — or perhaps any of us — to think about all the flights QANTAS manage everyday of the week without incident.  That’s not newsworthy, it’s normal and safe and non-tragic. However, I’d rather welcome the 91st year of our international carrier free from any type of horrific happenstance and revel in its high safety standards and reliable reputation.

I believe QANTAS when it says it’s taking the recent near-misses (if they can be called ‘near misses’) seriously.  Many of you that know my cynical, pathetic, wizened, exaggerated, over-the-top HATE of flying will understand this is a big call when I say that I trust an aviation company to do the right thing — in that I always equate flying with a flaming, horrendous descent from altitude at speed.  Face locked in an expression of wind shear, hands gripping the armrests in a death hold, hair straightened for the first time in my adult life.  The aviation company probably always does the right thing, it’s simply the fact that they’re in the AIR that’s unnatural to me.

So, it’s been a bad week for our Flying Kangaroo.  Perhaps the Aussie symbol for ‘explore the world’ has had some bunny hops along the runway, has stalled en-route to turning 90, but even the aviation industry has to have its down days.

I’ve travelled QANTAS on a number of occasions, rode the turbulence, been served the cattle class food squished between seats 51A and 51C with the best of them.  I hope I can again.  Even though it can be UnAustralian to barrack for a company that has (so far) excelled, I’m going to do that, just because you carry my favourite people all over the world and your (still intact) safety record lets them ‘still call Australia hoooooooommmmme’.

And I’ll leave you with the words of QANTAS Captain Richard Champion de Crespigny as he managed the situation on the A380 the other day.

“The aircraft is safe. We have four engines. We have lost one we have shut down. It’s possible we could have even perhaps restarted it, but to be safe we won’t. So you are safe.

We practise this procedure probably three or four times every three months, and so today we get to work the procedure.”

Richard, you can captain my flight any day, mate.

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