The Gnarly Fashionista II

The mono is back.

You can no longer deny its appeal, and remember, you heard it first at The Gnarly Fashionista.

It’s everywhere.  The tiny pores that dot the top of your nose, building a previous bridge of hair invisibility betwixt your two definite eyebrows, are dying to blossom.  And blossom they will!

In the Southern Hemisphere, it’s winter tomorrow.  The monobrow is not only fashionable for the colder climate of 2010, it’s also so practical, you can no longer say ‘but jeez, it’s ugly.’ The extra hairage will keep you warm.  Not only will you look like you’re at the pinnacle of the fashion echelon, you’ll be rewarded with a glowing comfort protector from the freezing breezes.

A balaclava or beanie will no longer be required.  You’ll identify with fabulous fictional characters like werewolf Jacob Black, and you may even be admitted to some zoos of the world for nix!

What of the fashionistas in the Northern Hemisphere, starting their summer tomorrow?  When you grow your mono-browet, everyone will be so envious of your trend-setting ingenuity, they won’t notice the sheen of sweat developing upon your upper lip, your underarm, or between your cleavage.  In fact, the extra poreage, stimulated by the follicle growth of your monobrow will hasten the cooling down process, thus you will be cool, and cooler, than average!

The growing of the mono comes with added advantages.  No more watery eyes when attempting to pluck stray hairs.  No more sneezing when shaking fingers extract a tiny tuft.  No more wailing from the squelchy bed of the local beautician establishment.

It’s fashion at its most natural.  In order to really embrace this trend, it’s important to allow all the eyebrow follicles to flourish.  Those beneath the brow deserve to bud, too, and they should be nurtured in order to allow the brow to reach its fashion potential.  Try not to get distracted by the early, in between look.  It’s merely a stage to be reckoned with, and with special care, grooming and time, very soon you’ll have the full, undiluted bush betwixt your brow.

Don’t be worried about the lack of celebrity participation at the moment.  These trends need to develop momentum, and you”l find that just when Meryl, Pink, Rhianna, George, Robbie, Kylie, Madge and/or Fergie (either one) develop the monobrow, you’ll be SO over it.

Let’s hear from our experts:

Allison says: The monobrow is to die for!  I’ve always adored the look and have embraced the concept since I turned 10 years old.  It’s the way to go for the Australian winter, and I intend to start growing mine out immediately.

Gayle says: I wholeheartedly concur with the Gnarly Fashionista.  She is the fashion doyen and guru.

Fiona says: Being light featured, I intend to dye my mono this winter, just to give the upper bridge of my nose a bit more character.  I’m all about the conservation, too, so any extra heat generated from facial hair could be incorporated into solar paneling and water tankage.

You’ve heard it first at the GF, beyotches.   Grow those hairs, fertilize those follicles, and make sure you watch ‘Sex and the City 2′ with your head tilted upwards just a tad.  You don’t want your own brow to stop you getting ahead of the action.

Till next time.  May your brow be high and plentiful.  May pubic hairs always grow at your back…