Dear Element of Time,
I’m not ready.
For it to be almost the middle of September, 2010, when it just seems like the turn of the new century happened a couple of weeks ago. For it to be Spring when I hardly remember living through the Autumn of this year. For the children to be on the final school holidays in a few days, when Easter 2010 hopped by with the speed of chocolate eggs disappearing.
I’m unprepared. To be another year older. To have wasted a year where I haven’t really evolved that much. To face the fact that time is of the essence, so it better be used carefully. Wisely. Time doesn’t seem to be giving me much wisdom at the moment. It’s fleeting. Seconds are disappearing, and I can’t capture them, to consider or even contemplate what they might mean. Where they might be going …
I’m ill-prepared. For things like Christmas, when it only seemed a week ago I was cleaning the entire house for the last commercial, forced-upon event. For the Summer when the grass has only just greened in appreciation for the best rain we’ve had in years. For the fact that I’m one day closer to being older. Dimmer. Less able. More grey. Less sprightly.
I’m not ready. For that. For watching my family age. For worrying about the issues associated with having teens, young adults. For my own parents to get much older. For the time to spin so rapidly beyond our reach, that we haven’t realized it was there — now gone — until another month passes, we wake up and it dawns on us that 2010 is over.
Please wait. Slow down, let me breathe. Let up. Allow us to blink and stare and tread slowly. Wait for me to catch up to September. I still seem to be living somewhere between March and April of this year. Did I close my eyes for too long and awaken six months down the track? Did I take May and June for granted, wishing for daylight savings to come back, so those weeks deserted me, feeling unvalued? Is it really three years since Lea got really sick?
Father time? I’m not prepared for you to leave me in your wake. I’m not ready for you to dictate the pace, close another day on things I have to do, hold me in contempt for taking you for granted. So I better bloody wake up. Otherwise the sun will set on another day and I won’t know where I am going. Closer to the day you decide my time is up.
And so we try to live every second.
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Oh Rosie. Yes. So true. So painful to think about sometimes. So scary. So…so…so.
I'm right there with you.
Hey lovely. Why is it September already? I've misplaced January through to August, for goodness sake.
I suppose it's good to live like we are on borrowed time, anyway. I just want to be able to stop and smell the roses for more than a fleeting second.
Hope you and your gorgeous people are well xx
Rosie did you write this one just for me??
We've been sick since June. I've missed a whole season of living. Instead we've lurched from cold to cold, spent much time curled up on the couch. I can hardly bring myself to read a bed-time story and I can't be bothered with food preparation. I want to feel fulfilled not burdened. I want to make it happen, but just can't seem to find the time. Ridiculous! I'm thinking an extended holiday next year might be on the cards. Don't know how we'll afford it, but something drastic needs to happen, to recapture our life's essence. *sigh* I could go on -- but I think we need a cuppa! F xxx
We need a cuppa indeed. Paps two, although we shouldn't go overboard. Our urinary system may not cope…
I know, my love. the passage of time is ridiculous. Think back to when the tweenies were babies. time seemed to creep then, marked by feeds and nappies and I dunno what?
Where has 2010 gone. I feel as though I'm stagnated in a lot of ways, and I get what you're saying about the illness and loss of season.
Let's try and 'make it happen'? In 2012? See ya then, bb. *hugs*
Just joking, but I know you know I know xx
I'd be happy to start making it happen right now! Perhaps it's good to have these times to reflect, evaluate, get rid of what's not working and moving on. The sunshine is beautiful today, and we've spent time outside. Seems like forever since we did that!
It does indeed. Today is a bit crappy and Thursday and two days out from holidays. I hope you are travelling well and that it might be time to make things happen NOW.